Kelly explains a Star Wars concept to me.

Kelly: Have you ever heard of Mandalorians?

Me: Sounds familiar.

Kelly: The king of the Mandolorians is Mandalor.  .... It's quite convenient.

Jeff and I are driving to Nebraska.

Me: Don't they make you turn over your car when you get across the border, so as not to scare the locals? They'd be like, "A HORSELESS CARRIAGE! A HORSELESS CARRIAGE!"

Jeff: "IT'S SATAN'S WORK!"

Me: Is Mom cooking or are we on our own for dinner?

Jeff: I dunno. Send her a text. Bitches love texts.

Jeff: He looked like that werewolf guy from Twilight... but not tan. Or buff.

I finish drinking the milk out of my cereal bowl.

Dad: You've got some on your face. You look like you were in a porno.

Me: I'm really glad Sean Bean didn't die when he got stabbed. I'm still not over Heath Ledger.
Kelly: I know. I would freak out of he died. I would have a sad party.
Me: It's called a wake.

We are at a baseball game on Father's Day. The scoreboard lights up with choices for songs to be played. The idea is that you text a vote to pick which song. One is Father's Day related, the other two are just random, popular country songs.

Announcer: Aaaaand you've chosen, Carrie Underwood's All-American Girl!
Dad: What?? That's not very Father's Day.
Me: I love you Dad. Today is about you as far as I'm concerned!
Dad: Fuck you.