Me: Okay, well, you can definitely come visit me. We'll figure out the dates further down the road.
Kelly: I might text you. Like, "I'm at your front door. Let's do this."

Me: They really don't want me to get pregnant on this medication. I'd give birth to, like, a frog or something.
Kelly: Don't do that! I don't want a frog niece. I DON'T WANT A FROG NIECE.

Kelly explains a Star Wars concept to me.

Kelly: Have you ever heard of Mandalorians?

Me: Sounds familiar.

Kelly: The king of the Mandolorians is Mandalor.  .... It's quite convenient.

Me: I'm really glad Sean Bean didn't die when he got stabbed. I'm still not over Heath Ledger.
Kelly: I know. I would freak out of he died. I would have a sad party.
Me: It's called a wake.

I make lewd gestures at my sister while my parents are helping Jeff pack his apartment.


Kelly: Mom! My sister is a pedophile! Dad! ........ Help!
.....silence....
Kelly: They don't care. It's about Jeff today.

About Kelly's choice of a giant dinosaur stuffed animal:

Me: Are you sure you want that one? Not this? Or this one?

Kelly: ....... This is the one I've chosen.

Mom to Kelly: You accidentally bought child-size hangers. Oh well, they'll work for you.

Kelly: All I want for my birthday is, uh...

Me: Your two front teeth? Ha.

Kelly: No, that's Christmas, bitch.

Mom to Kelly and me: That Target clerk thought you were cute.

Me: What? Really?

Mom: Well, he is from Nebraska.

Kelly: I would go drink with you. But I can't. And.... I don't want to.

Me: Mom gave me a Kindle for my birthday!

Kelly: Cool! Do you like it?

Me: Yeah! I've read half a book!

Kelly: Ha, half?

Me: Well, like 48%.

Kelly: What?? It tells you the percentage you've read?

Me: Yeah, it's cool.

Kelly: No... well........... don't... trust it.

Kelly: Would you judge me if I bought a skull?

Me: I want to be a foreign exchange student.

Kelly: You're not even a student.

Me: I'm a student of life.

Kelly: That's stupid.

Me: Humpback whales are weird. Their mouths are up here, and their eyes are down here. It looks off.

Kelly: How else you gonna eat krill?

Kelly (playing Mercenaries 2): These are my American friends. They don't have a lot of money, but they sure have a lot of spirit.  

.......... I lied. They have a lot of money.

Me: You spelled 'view' wrong the second time.

Kelly: What?? Man. I put that on the internet.

Watching a show about ways humanity could potentially end. When we got to the part about robots...

TV: In fact, the robots we created were able to recognize 78% of the objects in the pictures they were shown.
Me (terrified by images of impending robot domination): Stop it! Aren't they smart enough??
Kelly: It's not like it's 100%. That's a C+.

Mom: The cleaning lady came up to me the other day. She had your dirty underwear from under your bed in a pair of tongs.

Kelly: That's what she gets for deep cleaning.

Me: I need to stop quoting you so much. You're going to get a big head.
Kelly: .... I'm hilarious.
Me: Exactly.