Me: Okay, well, you can definitely come visit me. We'll figure out the dates further down the road.
Kelly: I might text you. Like, "I'm at your front door. Let's do this."

Me: They really don't want me to get pregnant on this medication. I'd give birth to, like, a frog or something.
Kelly: Don't do that! I don't want a frog niece. I DON'T WANT A FROG NIECE.

Kelly explains a Star Wars concept to me.

Kelly: Have you ever heard of Mandalorians?

Me: Sounds familiar.

Kelly: The king of the Mandolorians is Mandalor.  .... It's quite convenient.

Jeff and I are driving to Nebraska.

Me: Don't they make you turn over your car when you get across the border, so as not to scare the locals? They'd be like, "A HORSELESS CARRIAGE! A HORSELESS CARRIAGE!"

Jeff: "IT'S SATAN'S WORK!"

Me: Is Mom cooking or are we on our own for dinner?

Jeff: I dunno. Send her a text. Bitches love texts.

Jeff: He looked like that werewolf guy from Twilight... but not tan. Or buff.